Where ‘don’t speak ill of the dead’ got started and why younger generations are ending it
The tradition of not speaking ill of the dead, attributed to Chilon of Sparta in ancient Greece, has long been a staple of societal etiquette. However, younger generations are increasingly challenging this norm, advocating for more truthful narratives that acknowledge the full complexity of a person's life, including any harm they may have caused. This movement is not about disrespect but rather about validating the experiences of those who may have suffered under the deceased, acknowledging that silence can perpetuate harm by erasing the nuanced realities of their relationships.
The catalyst for this shift can be seen in works like Jennette McCurdy's book, "I'm Glad My Mom Died," which courageously confronts the duality of love and abuse. This honest approach to grief and remembrance is resonating with many, offering a more balanced perspective that allows for healing through truth-telling. By breaking away from rose-tinted memorials, younger generations aim to honor both the deceased and those who were affected by their actions, fostering a more inclusive and authentic dialogue around death and legacy.
Constructive analysis
The constructive-journalism lens: not just what happened, but what works.
- The problem
- The challenge of maintaining a respectful remembrance of the deceased while acknowledging any harm they may have caused.
- The actions
- Younger generations are advocating for more honest eulogies that reflect the full complexity of a person's life, including any negative aspects.
- Evidence of progress
- Jennette McCurdy's book and its reception demonstrate a growing acceptance of this approach, encouraging others to share their own experiences.
- What we can learn
- Embracing honesty in memorials can validate the experiences of those harmed by the deceased and foster healing by acknowledging all facets of a person's life.
PERMA wellbeing profile of this story
Seligman's five pillars of wellbeing, as expressed in this story.
- Positive Emotion
- 5
- Engagement
- 8
- Relationships
- 7
- Meaning
- 9
- Accomplishment
- 6
Character strengths in play
Top VIA strengths this story embodies.
Courage
Jennette McCurdy's book, "I'm Glad My Mom Died," bravely addresses the complexity of her relationship with her mother, including the abuse she suffered.
Perspective
The article highlights the generational shift in attitudes towards speaking ill of the dead, emphasizing a more nuanced understanding of grief and legacy.
Hope
Younger generations' willingness to speak truthfully about the deceased offers hope for more authentic and healing narratives around grief.
Try this today
Reflect on your own experiences with loss. Consider writing a letter to someone you've lost, acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of your relationship. This exercise can help you process complex emotions and find peace in truth.