Sunday, September 20, 2026

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ConnectionUpworthy

Want to communicate better? Try these casual-but-deep questions that ‘super communicators’ use

In an era where genuine connection often feels elusive, the art of asking thoughtful, open-ended questions emerges as a beacon for improved communication. Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, highlights how 'super communicators' distinguish themselves by asking significantly more questions than the average person, inviting deeper engagement and understanding. These questions, often deceptively simple, encourage others to share their values, beliefs, and experiences, facilitating conversations that are both meaningful and enriching.

The concept is further expanded by communication experts like Robin Quinn Keehn and Amber Johnson, who emphasize the importance of creating space for real dialogue. Keehn suggests that allowing silence and resisting the urge to fill gaps with superficial questions can lead to more genuine exchanges. Meanwhile, Johnson's 'REVAMP' method underscores the power of asking about relationships, emotions, values, and priorities to foster stronger connections. This approach not only enhances personal interactions but also contributes to better mental and physical health, as robust relationships are a cornerstone of well-being.

Constructive analysis

The constructive-journalism lens: not just what happened, but what works.

The problem
The challenge of achieving meaningful communication in a world dominated by superficial interactions.
The actions
Experts recommend asking more and deeper questions, creating space for authentic responses, and using techniques like the 'REVAMP' method.
Evidence of progress
Testimonies from communication experts highlight the positive impact of these techniques on relationship quality and personal well-being.
What we can learn
Others can learn to ask open-ended questions and listen actively, which can significantly enhance the depth and quality of their interactions.
PERMA profile of this story

How this story scores across the PERMA dimensions.

Positive Emotion
8
Engagement
9
Relationships
10
Meaning
9
Accomplishment
7
PERMA

Character strengths in play

Top VIA strengths this story embodies.

  • Curiosity

    Charles Duhigg notes that super communicators ask ten to twenty times as many questions as the average person.

  • Love

    Robin Quinn Keehn mentions that genuine questions allow for being known by another, suggesting a deep connection and care.

  • Perspective

    Maria Venetis emphasizes the importance of listening and understanding rather than preparing to respond, showcasing a broad-minded approach to communication.

Try this today

Next time you're in a conversation, try asking an open-ended question like 'What made you choose your career?' and listen without planning your next response. Notice how this changes the dynamic of your interaction.