Want to be more likable? Here’s the type of question to avoid and the one to always ask.
The article delves into the nuanced art of conversation, revealing that while mirror questions—those that simply reflect what we've been asked—may seem polite, they don't necessarily enhance our likability. Harvard Business School's Alison Wood Brooks suggests that these questions often lack authenticity and genuine curiosity, leading to perfunctory exchanges. Instead, she advocates for topic-switching and follow-up questions, which indicate a deeper interest in the conversation partner and can significantly boost our likability.
Brooks' research, encompassing nearly 400 conversations, underscores the power of asking follow-up questions. These questions not only keep the dialogue engaging but also demonstrate genuine interest in the other person, fostering deeper connections. The insight here is clear: it's not about being the most interesting person in the room, but about showing genuine interest in others that truly elevates conversational dynamics.
Constructive analysis
The constructive-journalism lens: not just what happened, but what works.
- The problem
- Conventional conversational norms often lead to inauthentic exchanges that don't foster genuine connection.
- The actions
- Researchers recommend shifting from mirror questions to topic-switching and follow-up questions to enhance engagement.
- Evidence of progress
- Studies show a robust relationship between asking follow-up questions and being perceived as more likable.
- What we can learn
- By prioritizing curiosity and interest in others, individuals can foster more meaningful and engaging interactions.
PERMA profile of this story
How this story scores across the PERMA dimensions.
- Positive Emotion
- 7
- Engagement
- 8
- Relationships
- 9
- Meaning
- 6
- Accomplishment
- 5
Character strengths in play
Top VIA strengths this story embodies.
Curiosity
The fastest way to have better conversations and deepen connections is simple: ask follow-up questions.
Perspective
Brooks adds that after analyzing conversations, mirror questions don’t boost likability, so we should ask them rarely.
Kindness
People really love for you to be interested in them.
Try this today
Next time you're in a conversation, try asking two follow-up questions instead of defaulting to mirror questions. Notice how it changes the flow and depth of the exchange, and observe the other person's response to your genuine curiosity.