Lawyer shares four specific things to do for a friend going through a divorce that actually help
In the often tumultuous aftermath of a divorce, offering support can feel like navigating a complex emotional landscape. James Sexton, a seasoned divorce lawyer, distills his insights into four actionable strategies for those aiming to stand by their friends during such a challenging time. At the heart of Sexton's advice is the emphasis on meeting the individual where they are, rather than imposing one's own perceptions or needs onto the situation. This approach nurtures a more authentic connection, allowing the friend to feel truly seen and understood.
Sexton further advises on the power of giving choices, underscoring the importance of offering a menu of options to a friend in distress. This not only provides a sense of agency to the person going through the divorce but also reinforces the supportive role of the friend. Additionally, acknowledging the limitations of words and asking directly how one can help are pivotal in transforming well-meaning intentions into tangible actions. These strategies, rooted in empathy and respect, offer a blueprint for fostering genuine support during one of life's most trying times.
Constructive analysis
The constructive-journalism lens: not just what happened, but what works.
- The problem
- The challenge of effectively supporting a friend through the emotionally taxing process of a divorce.
- The actions
- James Sexton provides concrete strategies such as meeting the friend where they're at, offering a menu of support options, acknowledging the inadequacy of words, and directly asking how to help.
- Evidence of progress
- The strategies are grounded in Sexton's professional experience as a divorce lawyer, where he has witnessed firsthand the positive impact of these approaches.
- What we can learn
- Others can learn to offer support that is truly needed rather than assumed, fostering deeper connections and providing genuine comfort.
PERMA profile of this story
How this story scores across the PERMA dimensions.
- Positive Emotion
- 6
- Engagement
- 8
- Relationships
- 9
- Meaning
- 7
- Accomplishment
- 5
Character strengths in play
Top VIA strengths this story embodies.
Kindness
Sexton's suggestion to ask, 'Can you let me do something for you?' highlights a genuine willingness to ease the friend's burden.
Perspective
He advises friends to 'stop being useful the way that you want to be useful,' encouraging a shift in perspective to better support the friend's needs.
Empathy
The idea of offering a 'menu' of support options demonstrates an empathetic understanding of the complex emotions involved.
Try this today
Next time a friend faces a challenging situation, try offering a 'menu' of support options. Ask, 'Would you like to talk, laugh, or just have some company?' Notice how this approach can make your friend feel more in control and supported.