Behavioral scientist shares 10 questions that will make people fall madly ‘in like’ with you
In a world where social interactions often feel fraught with anxiety and superficiality, Dr. Alison Wood Brooks offers a refreshing approach to building genuine connections. Her research suggests that the secret to being likable is not about dazzling others with our own stories, but about showing genuine curiosity in theirs. The article highlights ten thoughtfully crafted questions that encourage openness and vulnerability, fostering a deeper sense of connection and understanding between people.
These questions, inspired by Arthur Aron's work on interpersonal closeness, are designed to elicit meaningful conversations by allowing individuals to share personal insights and experiences. By focusing on listening and asking follow-up questions, one can create an environment where others feel valued and understood. This method not only enhances likability but also strengthens social bonds, offering a practical tool for anyone looking to improve their interpersonal skills.
Constructive analysis
The constructive-journalism lens: not just what happened, but what works.
- The problem
- Social interactions can be intimidating and often lack depth, leaving individuals feeling disconnected.
- The actions
- Dr. Alison Wood Brooks proposes using a set of ten questions to facilitate more meaningful and engaging conversations.
- Evidence of progress
- The method is based on psychological research showing that asking questions and engaging in active listening enhances likability and connection.
- What we can learn
- Others can replicate this approach by preparing a few key questions and focusing on listening to deepen their social interactions.
PERMA profile of this story
How this story scores across the PERMA dimensions.
- Positive Emotion
- 8
- Engagement
- 9
- Relationships
- 9
- Meaning
- 7
- Accomplishment
- 6
Character strengths in play
Top VIA strengths this story embodies.
Curiosity
The approach encourages asking open-ended questions to learn more about others, promoting a genuine interest in their stories.
Kindness
By focusing on others and allowing them to share their experiences, the method demonstrates empathy and consideration.
Perspective
The questions are designed to draw out diverse viewpoints and personal insights, enriching the conversational experience.
Try this today
Next time you're in a social setting, try asking someone, 'What are you excited about lately?' and follow up with two more questions based on their response. Notice how this changes the dynamic of your interaction.